New Territory For Me
All this social media, linking up and networking has me a bit baffled too. I used to think I was pretty smart, for a true blond (hahaha), but now I'm feeling more and more dumb and behind the times. Technology is moving at such a fast pace that I'm contemplating finding a 10 year old to tutor me...and if you think I'm kidding, I'm not!
I read a post recently by another blogger about her quitting her blog and why. Someone shared this on my Facebook group page after I was venting on my status update about how I can't keep up with it all and how she didn't like how she felt like a 'square peg in a round hole". This really got me thinking about blogging and appearances. Not appearances in relation to how people look, but more in relation to how people want their lives to appear, especially in social media and in blogs.
I read and follow a lot of blogs. There are times when I read a post and think, "Seriously, how is their life so perfect, their home styled so nicely and they still have time to blog, cook, workout, take care of the kids and hubby?" I'm sure I'm not the only one out there who has thought this!
I'm going to embark on some new territory for me. You might read my blog, look at the pictures and think something similar to what I just wrote in that last paragraph. I'm here to tell you my life isn't perfect, neither am I.
I don't share a lot about me or my life on my blog. People aren't really here to learn about me, they're here to read about what I do, how I do it and see some pretty pictures, right? Well, too bad because I'm going to share a bit about myself this time. If you're not interested then you might want to stop reading right now :-)
I think far too often people compare ourselves to others instead of thinking about what they themselves do well and commending themselves for it. I'm extremely guilty of this. I have for many years struggled with anxiety and perfectionism. I've never, ever thought to myself, "Wow Melody you're really good at this" I'm my own worst critic. I'm always ripping myself apart no matter what I do. I've tried so many things to combat this and I'm not as bad as I used to be, but that little tape recorder still runs in my brain 24/7. There are times when i don't want to get up and face the day because I'm too afraid. Too afraid I will say something wrong, upset someone or just plain make a mistake. I know I'm human, but I'm a perfectionist and if I can't be perfect it's painful. I remind myself of the fact I'm human all day, every day. I wish I was perfect, but the truth is no one is.....my house is far from perfect and only looks like it does in my blog pictures when someone is coming over, the housekeeper is coming (yes I have a housekeeper and I'm admitting it) or I'm staging for a picture. I don't enjoy cooking or cleaning....I'm no domestic goddess! I can't sew to save my life and sometimes I'm a less than perfect wife and Mom. UGH....that's hard to write for the world to see!
I know you're probably wondering, "Why on earth is she writing about all of this?" I've been wanting to write an honest, heartfelt blog post for awhile, but it scared the crap out of me (excuse my French). If you knew me in 'real life' you'd know that I'm very open and honest. I tell it like it is, even when I should keep my mouth shut, I'm sarcastic, loud and funny (at least that's what I've been told...my Son disagrees!). With all of this technology and 'pretend life' I wanted to try and make things more real. I wanted to shatter 'appearances'. I wanted to put it all out there and hope people can relate and connect with me beyond my pretty furniture pictures on the Internet.
When I see bloggers who post every day, it honestly makes me feel so insignificant. It makes me worry that I'm falling behind. I know it's not a competition and that's not what I mean. It's more about trying to keep up and be able to have a successful blog and FEEL worthy of any compliments I might receive. It's a struggle to keep it all together and going smoothly. Last spring, summer and fall all I did was work on painting projects, blog and promote the blog. I didn't take time to swim with my Son in our pool. I avoided the gym as much as possible. I neglected my friendships and my relationship with my husband. I burnt this perfectionist right out! I couldn't pick up a paint brush or even think about paint for several months after doing this for awhile. I wasn't having fun and enjoying my life.....my life was passing me by and what did I have to show for it? A blog with pretty pictures?
This year I resolved to have more balance. This is something that doesn't come easily for me. I'm kind of an all or nothing type of person. I'm usually really good at handling one thing well, but add in more and I'm a mess! I wanted this to change so I've consciously chosen to spend time with my husband, my son and my friends rather than stay in my stuffy garage and paint 7 dressers in a week.
The point I guess I'm trying to make is we're all human. It doesn't matter who you are or how you 'appear' on the web or even in your real life, we all have strengths and weaknesses. We're all struggling with something, working on something in our personal life or just trying to get through each day in one piece. We all have out strong points too. You might be an amazing cook and enjoy spending the day in the kitchen, where as I would rather eat chalk than cook all day. Sometimes we spend a lot of time hiding our weaknesses from others. It's a lot easier to share our successes and strengths than sharing what we struggle with. However, when people realize you're struggling too they don't feel so alone.
I started this blog for fun. I created My Passion For Decor because someone challenged me to. They said, "Melody you should start a blog where you share your projects!" I said, "WHAT? No one would want to read about my silly projects." The idea scared me and I was so afraid to put myself out there I almost let this experience pass me by. Instead, I put myself out there and took the chance. I can honestly say, now that I have some balance in my life, blogging is fun again. I don't love every aspect of it, but it's actually a blast!! The fact that I've been putting myself out there again and pushing myself to do something that scares me every day makes it fun. The scary things I have to do challenge me and help me grow. Sometimes the scary thing is just being myself and letting people through my barbed wire fence so they can see the 'real' me. Other times it's putting myself out there in a big way by doing a video chat on Hometalk+ and other times it's something simple like pushing myself to lift a heavier weight at the gym.
I'm not going to lie, this post is scariest post I've ever written. My furniture isn't out there for the world to see this time, it's me....and all my flaws. I truly believe in my heart that things happen for a reason. I've had such a strong pull at my heart to write this post, I believe I'm doing the right thing. I hope this is what someone, somewhere needed to read today. If not, then it was cathartic and helpful just for me and I'm OK with that. I also hope this inspires you to be yourself and not worry about how you 'appear' to others.
I appreciate everyone of you who follow me here, on Pinterest, Facebook and Hometalk. I try my very best to email everyone back and respond to your comments, but sometimes things fall through the cracks. I apologize if that's happened to you! Please be patient, I'm a work in progress.
As always, thank you for reading...especially this time!!
Melody